After Lebron James left Cleveland for greener pastures (or bluer waters), much attention was paid to Cavs owner Dan Gilbert and his reaction to the slight. This attention turned into a media frenzy after Gilbert released an open letter to the fans of Cleveland, in which he promised Cavaliers fans that a) the Cavs would win a championship before Lebron and his new teammates and b) Lebron would carry a curse with him wherever he went until he had done “right” by Cleveland to amend his mistakes prior to and during The Decision. Since then, Dan Gilbert has lived the dream- the beloved owner of a team whose fan base has no expectations, the developer of a new casino along with Caesar Entertainment Corp, and Baron Davis’ boss. Here are five reasons why Dan Gilbert is living a charmed life these days.
1) He hated Lebron James before it was cool
These days most people have a certain amount of disdain for Lebron James, or at the very least will hesitate before saying they’re a fan of his (even Narcissus himself had fans back in the day). In the minutes following The Decision, Cleveland residents and Cavs fans everywhere (not to mention “All of Northeast Ohio”) were dazed, confused, and unsure how to react to the “King” and his flight of biblical proportions from the shores of Lake Erie to the shores of South Beach. But then came Gilbert’s post-Decision “Open Letter” to fans everywhere. It had one message: Lebron had betrayed the city of Cleveland by reneging on his promises to bring a championship to Cleveland when greener pastures (or bluer waters) presented themselves. The result? Cleveland burned, and Dan Gilbert established himself as the voice of a broken people, filled with bile and seeking revenge.
2) His team won 19 more games than they were expected to
After Lebron’s departure, there were no expectations for the Cleveland Cavaliers. If they hadn’t won a single game all year nobody would’ve been particularly surprised, especially once the Brazilian Board-grabber went down. Instead, the Cavs reeled off a cool 19 victories over the season, including one gigantic one against the Miami Heat. Finishing a mere 43 games off the pace in the Eastern Conference, Cleveland showed that while it might still not win many games, it wouldn’t take defeat laying down (mostly).
3) He gets to hang out with Daniel “Boobie” Gibson all the time
Boobie Gibson is the King of Cleveland. Just ask him. After the previous “King” had exited the city, Boobie stepped up to take the mantle and hasn’t looked back since. Getting to spend time with Boobie Gibson is a privilege of incalculable value (actually, it costs $4,015,334), and Dan Gilbert has the opportunity to do so every day. It’s always an honor to speak with someone who has survived playing with or against Delonte West, and this experience has benefitted Boobie’s subjects during his reign over The Forest City, including Dan Gilbert.
4) He has two first names
Rick James. Thomas Edison. Bruce Wayne. Ron Paul. What do all of these cultural cornerstones have in common? They were blessed with twice as many first names as the average human being, giving them skills of epic proportions. Dan Gilbert has benefitted from this same twist of fate, using his powers as a double-first namer in order to found his own mortgage lender firm, work to rehab downtrodden industrial cities of North America, and acquire a majority stake in an NBA franchise. Are these things more prestigious than inventing the lightbulb, championing heroin or composing Super Freak? You decide.
5) He’s worth over $400 million
That’s a lot of dough-re-mi. With $400 million you can do a lot of things, like pay for an entire war’s worth of wrongs, purchase a hotel in midtown Manhattan or buy 400 items costing $1,000,000 each. Regardless of what he does, Dan will certainly never have to flip burgers (a la Arthur Agee) or engage in any other form of manual labor for as long as he lives. That makes for a pretty good life, no matter how well the Cavaliers play.
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